Who I Work With
Attachment doesn’t end when the marriage does.
Separation and divorce dissolve a marriage. They don’t dissolve the attachment system it was built on — in you, between you and a grown child, or across the two households your child moves between. My work sits in those three places, using Emotionally Focused and Focusing-Oriented methods.
Individual adjustment
Separation and divorce dissolve a marriage, but they don’t dissolve the attachment system that marriage was built on.
Many people move through this process — whether they’re still in the middle of it or long past the paperwork — technically “detached” from a spouse while still carrying an activated attachment response: grief, protest, a nervous system still oriented toward someone who is no longer there. That’s not a character flaw or a sign you haven’t moved on fast enough; it’s how attachment works. I help individuals work through that directly, rather than around it — including where it shows up as disrupted sleep, difficulty trusting a new relationship, or a harder time regulating around your kids than you’d expect.
A lot of what shows up here is grief, even when it doesn’t look like grief. Divorce grief often gets treated as less legitimate than other losses — no one brings a casserole, and you’re expected to be “over it” faster than the loss actually resolves. That mismatch is part of what makes this stage so disorienting.
Common reasons people reach out:
- Grief that arrives out of order
- Disrupted sleep
- Difficulty trusting a new relationship
- Trouble regulating around your kids
- Still in the middle of the process
- Years past the paperwork
Emotionally Focused & Focusing-Oriented Therapy
Repair with an adult child
The parent–child attachment bond doesn't expire when a child grows up, and a divorce can damage it at any age.
Sometimes the rupture is loud — a grown child takes a side, or stops calling. More often it's quiet: a relationship that stays cordial and goes no deeper. Using Emotionally Focused methods, I work on the bond itself rather than on who was right, with parent and adult child together and sometimes separately first. This is work with grown children — young adults and older.
Emotionally Focused Family Therapy
Co-parenting relational work
Two people who are no longer attached to each other as partners still have to function as a reliable, coordinated attachment system for their child — often for well over a decade.
Once a legal agreement exists, the remaining work is relational rather than procedural. This isn’t about revisiting the terms of the agreement; it’s about building the specific communication and trust required to co-regulate a child’s experience across two households.
Emotionally Focused methods
What this work is not
This is clinical therapy, not a legal or forensic service. I don’t conduct custody evaluations, serve as an expert witness, or write letters intended for use in a custody proceeding. If your situation calls for that, I’ll say so early and help you find the right kind of professional.
Not sure which of these fits?
Reach out for a complimentary 15-minute phone or Zoom consultation. We’ll figure out together where the work should start — individually, with your child, or between co-parents — and if I’m not the right fit, I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.
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